So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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