Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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