did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
this hospital has no fireball
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
