After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You made out with two different species that night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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