Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
