i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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