You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize