I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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