Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
