So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
