just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
