Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
