its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
