Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
