finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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