Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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