Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
