I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Text me some of your sweat
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
