Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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