gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
