Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
