I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
two words...techno handjob
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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