Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
