Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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