And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
