I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
