i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
