After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
