From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
