you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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