Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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