I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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