I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
