I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
