she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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