How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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