No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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