We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
