i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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