For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
