The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
