dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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