Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Barsexuality is the new black.
worst night to have a conscience
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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