taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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