i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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