When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
