He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
