u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
