Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
