Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
