she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
