His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
