To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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