I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
