i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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