dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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