A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
