He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
