No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
