i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
