so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
