You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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