I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
