Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
