I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
