covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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