I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
