I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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