I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
