I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
