1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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