In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
