You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
