you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
