And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
