My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
