Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
