i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and she was petting her beer can
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
