I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
